oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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