while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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