I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
