ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
