my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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