babies were throwing up all over the place
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
