I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
