i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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