Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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