New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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