I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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