it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
