And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
