My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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