I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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