i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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