Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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