i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
