well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
as a side note pls kill me
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