do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
