FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
