Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
