it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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