Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
