His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
