I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
