I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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