I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize