You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
