don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
