He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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