i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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