Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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