I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
