Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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