i was born a porn star she said
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Two words: nipple clamps
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