Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I need to sanitize my soul.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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