State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
