dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
