saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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