i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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