Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
and she was petting her beer can
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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