They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
