eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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