How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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