he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
