question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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