I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
