I can text with my tongue
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
