I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
