so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
