after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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