Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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