my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize