You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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