my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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