if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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