Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
