If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
