Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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