I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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