all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
