Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just found puke in my bra..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize