He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
