This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
