anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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