Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
