What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
