There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
