Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
