wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He had one of those small greek statue penises
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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