I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
