My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
