Can Purell be used as lube?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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