i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
