How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
