...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
