woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
