Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
