Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
