I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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