i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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